Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Ups and Downs

A good friend who traveled across the U.S. to move to the S.F. Bay Area said some days she would just go to sleep, if she felt overwhelmed.

I've lived other places abroad for at least a year, so this is nothing drastically new. But somehow feels new again.

Recently I visited a doctor because health issues were popping up. Turns out I have a clean bill of health. However, stress is the biggest culprit for the ups and downs.

Some days are harder than others. May be part of the reason for the recent communication disconnect. I see the roller coaster coming. Or more like ocean waves. Some toss, some lull, some suck me under. And I don't really remember what part of the beach I started at when I surface.

Today sucked me under. Was the fist whole 10 minute period I considered not staying for the duration.

Children, or other humans for that matter, always let me know where I am at in life. Sometimes it is harder than others to be clear about what that means. Or which direction to go next.

So today, I will not leave. I will remember that children acting out has pretty much nothing to do with me. And that stress tears can be healing.

Sharing about it and finding a quiet space, usually lead to some kind of clarity I could not think up on command.

With Love, E


Mark H said...

Bethie - Hope things are coming a bit easier. A friend of mine shared a really good visual of how humans learn. There is a comfort zone, then outside of that a learning zone, then outside of that a panic zone. The closer you get to panic/discomfort/fear the more you learn, the closer to comfort...the less you grow and develop. It sounds like your learning a lot! Here is a quick post someone wrote with the visual attached

kjm7001 said...

Ah presh... Am feeling very much for you. The contrast in the photos in your post below vs. Your current emotions clearly demonstrates the roller coaster you're on. I very much agree with your friend Mark's post. The outer realm of the comfort zone has it's very obvious challenges and its quieter rewards. I know you'll find peace. You keep it everywhere you go. Take good care, and thanks for making the time to write. It helps.

Elizabeth and India said...

This is honesty in action. Mark, your link was great. Two days have passed now. I had to hold back tears before school started yesterday. Some of the velcro-like feelings were still lingering. I did it anyway, came out the other side. So much like living meditation. It all passes at some point. In the midst of it, it is like a mental jack-in-the box. Constantly reloading itself. Thank goodness, at some point, it too needs a rest. Thanks so much both of you for the support. A mouth shut cannot be sustained with the love of others. Such a good reminder.

AuBie said...

I think I know who that good friend is... ;-) I know you are overwhelmed, but I also know how much inspiration you have given to the people of Sangli and also to all of us back in the states. Miss you dearly!

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